Dear Queen Elizabeef + Pugloaf,
You two are top-notch, I tell you. The lights of our lives. The pepperoni to our pizza. I love that you follow me around in the morning like a chubby entourage. It makes me fee like a princess. However, there are a few things of note that I would like to bring to your attention.
Elizabeth: please do not lick your paw until the fur falls out. It’s gross and when I wrap up your little wound with Neosporin and a bandage, you limp around like a drama queen. It’s better for everyone involved that you just leave it be.
Lola: Where do I begin? Typing this very sentence is taking much longer than necessary since you will not stop licking my hands. Last time I checked, keyboards are not waterproof and your mom is not a chew toy.
Elizabeth: Your sister’s high-pitched shrieks for attention clearly annoy you. Can you please tell her to find another way to communicate? Much appreciated.
Lola: Even though my hair is often in a bun, that is not the kind you eat, so please find a new snack source.
Elizabeth: I know you know what you’re doing when you try to eat your sister’s food first … you’re not fooling anyone.
Lola: I love it that you pretend to be my hat. I want to tie a ribbon around you and wear you like a bonnet. Sort of.
Elizabeth: You have the best neck for wrapping my arms around for big, big hugs. So beefy.
And to you both: The neighbors are not, in fact, out to get you. No need to bark at them any longer.
Despite your hair eating, paw gnawing antics, I love you to the moon and back and I think you both deserve a cookie.